Day 13:
So I have to admit, I went with my uncle Mark to a hot yoga class today. Not Bikram! Just hot yoga. It was a really beautiful class and very energizing. At no point did I feel overheated and the teacher had a nice, soothing voice. So different from Bikram that I was pleasantly surprised! At one point, she instructed us to use straps, of which I declined. She was surprised and tried to convince me that it will take me further and deepen my stretch. Yet, I was not inclined as I heard Shakti’s voice in my head saying, “Never go further than your body will allow. If your body doesn’t go there naturally, don’t force it!” So I sat happily in Pigeon, looking up to the ceiling, and had a great stretch anyway! I’m really glad I went. Hot Yoga is definitely different than Bikram; a lot more spiritual and smooth. My uncle is a pro too! He’s probably more flexible than I am! I like to be open to go to hot yoga classes or even Bikram classes so I don’t feel a ‘holier-than-thou’ mind concept going on. That is something I want to avoid completely. I do things that I may be against or participate in things I have banned once in a while, just to reassure myself that I am doing the right thing (in my mind) in banning it or to stretch my mind and maybe change my opinion! Know your enemies better than your friends right? Haha! I love integrating Machiavelli into everyday life. : { --> thats my mustache man evil face.
Sometimes, I have a problem being obedient to authority figures. I love how Ruth serves Shakti in setting up the computer, getting her water, and I think that’s great! However, I could never see myself doing that for a teacher. For one, I don’t want to be perceived as brown-nosing; which I don’t think Ruth is because she is as genuine as one can get. And for two, I just don’t see myself as being that obedient student who sits at the front of the class and caters to a teacher’s every need. Yet, these reactions are just fears. I fear being perceived as a brown-noser; I fear diminishing myself as I serve the teacher. My ego holds me back from putting myself on a lower pedestal than her. I am afraid of what people would think of me if I became the ‘servant’ the ‘obedient one’. This is also remnant of elementary school and how everyone hated the Teacher’s Pet. It’s cool to be disobedient. It’s cool to have a huge ego. It’s cool to not change! Isn’t that interesting, how from a very age, we are encouraged to be selfish and hate the person who acts different from everyone else?
Shakti was talking about obedience today in a general sense. She said that from any fear or insecurity stems ego-tistical violence and anger. If you refuse to be obedient it is because of the fear of losing yourself, and that’s a weakness. It’s a weakness because you are being controlled by your ego and it’s fear of being perceived as something less than you are. You are afraid of what other people will think of you. If you want to learn in your own way and stop listening to other people’s direction, it’s a result of you not being able to accept change. You are being controlled by other people and your ego’s need to be seen a certain way. Your ego doesn’t really even care what you are truly, it only cares about how you are SEEN! Depth has no meaning to your ego unless it wants other people to see you as a deep, spiritual thinker.
The higher self, on the other hand, does not care what other people think. It does not care how it looks to other people. If you quiet your ego, and stop caring about how you are perceived, obedience is beautiful. You obey, you serve because you genuinely want to honour that person. It’s not a way of diminishing yourself, because ‘yourself’ is committed to honouring people and part of being authentic to yourself is serving. If you are powerful, meaning you push away the insecurities of your ego, then you can be authentically obedient. You won’t care what other people think of you; you’ll just think of how you can serve this person wholly.
As a yoga teacher, this is very important because the teacher needs to put away their ego during the class, and serve the students by teaching them the instructions of the yoga practice. What if a yoga teacher constantly thought, “Oh how do I look? Do they think I’m a flake?” The instructions would suffer because the teacher would be consistently somewhere else, and the students would feel really disconnected because of it.
So here I go. Quiet my ego. Quiet my mind. I do not care what other people think.
I’m not shaving at all anymore. Hello, hairy body!
Take that ego!
First step to a higher self are hairy armpits.
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