In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean...

             I have been at sea for eleven days and twelve nights. There are only a few people who exist in the world at this time; a captain, a few deckhands, stewardesses, the engineers, a chef, and me. We exist on this floating strip of teak, sail, and fiberglass in a perpetual wobble atop the twisting ocean waves. The sails were set off the coast of Grenada, a small, verdurous island just north of Venezuela. A series of tacks and ‘barbara-holds’ led us up to St. Maarten to pick up a spare part from the ship’s representative in the middle of the night. From there, we tipped the bow towards the north east; our destination being the island of Faial in the Azores. As the haze of the islands left the vision of our binoculars, we ventured to prepare ourselves for the waves, the wind, and the endless seemingly ‘nothingness’. 

            Swells engulf the sloop’s hull; caressing and thrashing, an ocean ravishes a ship. The sea-waves stretch out their tongues, licking the vessel’s body, making love to the cruiser, sensually, sometimes violently. Eroticism lifts itself from the coursing froth; tantalizing, pornographic, the ocean tackles us with barbaric, carnal asanas. Lifting the ship out of the water, like a man hoisting his lover through the air; plunging back into the licking tongues, the ocean inundates us into its grasp. Heaving, the ship is fucked into a tingling, painful ecstasy. 

        Even with the incline and diminishing of the astral planets, traversing the firmament, time seems to be nonexistent. The indication of hours and minutes seem lost in the voyage of days and nights. All the more, the words, ‘day’ and ‘night’ have lost their meaning. The hours are only important to the point that they characterize our ‘look-out’ appointments. Life exists in a series of varying light and dark periods. The rise and fall of the great annular burning star flows through each ageless period, just like the stream of the waves, and the billowing of the clouds. The tumbling of the wind coils around the mast, coursing through foredeck, it pitches across the stern. Time does not exist here. All life is elliptical. 

          Nothing is out here; or is it everything? I don’t know anymore. We glide along on our journey; falling into a routine of working, eating, reading, and sleeping. Do the others realize the pure isolation of our selves from the rest of the ‘civilized’ world? Being greeted, after every sleep period, with the same oceanic vista, one begins to realize the consequences of immortality. We pretend that everything is normal, a live-able working situation. The reality is that we exist a thousand miles away from another human being and are adrift on an endless wheel. Are we getting anywhere? Are we making any progress; any miles under the keel? A metal plastic machine gives us indication of our position. Marking the distance, speed, and waypoints, where would we be without it? 

         Drinking water is crucial, I hear. Sipping on an Evian, I consider how detached we still are from our current environment. I dream of sailing around the world without these electronic instruments. Star-gazing to assume a position, and setting sail with no engine to rely on. Naive, they call me; I prefer romantic idealist. Alas, I was born into a time dependent on technology. Old skills are fading from my generation; a behavior to which my ancient self mourns daily. One day, I think, maybe in this lifetime, I will experience something relatable to what the primitive explorers experienced.

At this moment, I hope, I dream, I can feel the wind pressing me on. Adventure calls my unsophisticated self; my heart quivers for the perils and jeopardies of random escapades. What is it inside of me that is desperate for the exploration? The distinctive yearning that would rather be teetering between life and death, between moment and immediate, than sitting in a classroom or at an office desk? A ceaseless ache for distant lands of uncertainty and precariousness? I say, take me world, caress me, lose me; use me and abuse me. I want to live and die. 

           In the middle of the Atlantic, I write this ode to the ocean, to the adventure, to the mystery, to the nothingness, to the everything. 

She Stands Alone

Surrounded by voices, she stands alone, beneath a cedar. Needles cover the ground, dirt in her toes. She stands, grasping her elbows in the cool air of the forest, wriggling to keep warm. How she got here, I do not know. A leisurely stroll to the park, or a frantic escape from her world? She stands alone, branches of the tree engulfing her small body, almost unseen from outside the leaflets. She stands, she fidgets with her skin, rubbing it between her fingers, feelings its elasticity and flexibility. She is concerned with her skin.

“Who am I?” she asks the tree, “who are you?”

With that, a wind stirs and the branches rustle, sounding out their own language, their own response to her inquiries. She cannot discern them, she doesn’t understand the tree language. To her, the trees listen but never respond. How wrong she is?

Her breath is frequent, expelling a cool fog from her mouth. Carefully, she leans behind her and sits on the mossy base of the tree. She tilts her head back as her eyes follow the trunk of the tree, through the outreaching arms, and up to the canopy of needles and leaves where her gaze cannot penetrate to reach the top. 

“This is life,” she says, “you can only see so far, but you’ll never be able to see the outcome.” 

Again, the trees rustle and branches swing. She sits alone now. Is she really alone?

Alone means being without anyone, all by yourself; but she isn’t alone. A multitude of living insects, plants, and gigantic trees glisten all around her. They are all living things, she is only alone by how she knows it in an emotional sense. So much concern for emotion nowadays. So much concern for feelings and intentions. Is there any room to breathe? To be? One yellow flower stands alone on a nurse log. 

“Does the flower feel alone?” she asks to the tree, “do you feel alone?”

The voices begin again, always in her head, always making noise, asking questions, never settling. She feels alone, yet the voices always keep her company. Maybe her voices bring her loneliness?

“Why won’t you just go away!” she screams at her mind.

“No!” they reply, “we must keep thinking, we must keep doing, we must keep analyzing, interpreting, watching. You should be happy you have us here, or else you would be lost.”

She is brainwashed. 

The trees stand proudly. Are they actually proud? Do they know how magnificent they are? Or are they just concerned with being, right here and now, living to live, to survive. 

“I wish I was a tree, or a flower,” she says, “then I wouldn’t have to worry, to think, to be deadened with this horde of meaninglessness.”

She pushes her back upon the base of the tree, sitting erect; feeling the coarseness of the tree’s bark upon her neck. Closing her eyes, she concentrates on her mind. Watching the worrisome thoughts coming into her brain, she observes them, but doesn’t indulge. She watches her thoughts as if she was someone else adventuring into her own brain. Her thoughts dance, moving swiftly and uncaringly through her mind. Back and forth, they bounce off the walls. Slowly, she sends one away, away like a balloon caught by a gust of wind and torn out of the palm of a toddler. Floating to the sky, she watches her thoughts fly away into the atmosphere. They fly so high, until even she cannot see them anymore. Back in her mind, it is still, it is quiet. There are no more questions, no more worries, no more depression; just peace, emptiness, quiet. 

Sitting at the base of the tree, with her knees into her chest and arms encircling her legs, she sits quietly; as still as the being which she leans upon. Breathing, living, being, she is quiet but alive. Her thoughts have gone, now she just is. Inhaling, exhaling, chest rising and falling. Feeling the oxygen, the element of life, fill her body as the carbon dioxide, the toxins, exit. She is living to live, to feel, to be. Her thoughts do not cloud her mind, she does not worry about work, schedules, traffic, relationships. She does not worry about stress or promotions; would you call her lazy? I shudder to think what the plants and animals think of us. A being, she has turned into. A living, existing being. She has become the tree which she leans upon. Quiet, moving with the wind, being in the forest. 

Her thoughts do not give her an identity. Her personality does not give her an identity. Those aspects are given to her, she has been trained in traits through her relationships, advertisements, cultural references, and societal conditioning. What she wears does not tell anything about who she is. Why do each of us need an identity anyway? To feel different from everyone else? To set ourselves apart from the mass culture? Isn’t that what being alone means? Yet, we are all so afraid to be alone that none of us actually sets ourselves too far from the ‘herd’, from the ‘crowd’. In fact, we take on specific traits in order to convince other people that we are individuals but shy away from drastic changes so that we are not seen as outcasts or ‘bums’ from normal society. However, we are disillusioned. These traits we put on to distance ourselves from mass society are actually conditioned thoughts that have also been taught to us. Our ‘identities’ are solely based upon what other people think of us and what we want them to think of us. Meaning, we are not individuals, not identified, but mere make-ups of traits, thoughts, beliefs that have been taught to us and what we want other people to think of us. ***

Therefore, an identity is not who you are, it is not who she is; an identity is learned from society and cultural conditioning. Who she is, is a being, just like the tree. She is a human, with the ability to think, question, and debate. However, her ‘identity’ is based upon the fact that just like the tree, the beautiful flower, the dirt, she is a being on this earth. Without all the thoughts which crowd and disillusion the mind, she is an earthling; a increasingly complex earthling with incredible mechanisms inside of her body to keep her living. The ability to think, to question, to debate is astounding; but the real miracle of being is the heart’s ability to thump, the lungs constantly taking in oxygen, the blood continually circulating throughout the whole body, the digestive system absorbing and breaking down food. Its amazing how much more importance is given to the ‘higher evolved’ human who is able to ask the meaning of life; while a honey bee or a toad is looked upon as something very sacrificial. Where does these levels of hierarchy stem from? Why is our ability to ask the meaning of life so special while the abilities of other ‘lesser’ beings are looked upon with disparagement? What if its a meaningless question because we’ll never be able to find the answer to it? Do you stop to consider that your body may be more intellectual than your mind? Maybe your mind keeps you from realizing what life truly is? Whats more incredible, the mind’s ability to question or the body’s ability to function? Do the thoughts that crowd the mind represent a decline in evolution instead of a rise? Why is the ability to debate and question regarded more highly than an ability to quiet the mind and be a being, surviving on this earth? 

Here she sits at the base of a tree. Eyes closed, body still, mind is quiet. Breathing in the damp scents of the mossy earth floor, she breathes in and out. She is alive, she is who she is, without any impositions. She lives and dies by the continuity of her heart, of her breath. Her true identity is in her breath. Individualization is a fallacy in society, only created by meaningless actions that are learned. True individualization does not exist. We are all beings of this earth; granted, with different attributes, but this should not separate us into individuals nor give us an identity. We are all beings of this earth, from the smallest pebble to the largest mountain, from an embryo to an elderly; there is no classification, there should be no separation, no individualization, no hierarchy. Life is life; breath, absorption, circulation, beingness. 

Who am I and who are you? she asked the tree. The tree knows, he is still, he is quiet. He has not been individualized or classified against by his kind. He whispers to her, always whispering, never being heard. You and I are beings, we are earthlings, we are together. You are not alone. Isn’t that enough? 

VEGAN

        This seems like the year of new beginnings for me. A new life without University. A new start with my boyfriend. A new passion with yoga; and now a new lifestyle. Today is the first day of being an Organic Vegan. I have committed my life to the Vegan way. What does being a Vegan mean? Well, it means not eating anything that is derived from animal products. No cheese, no meat, no milk, and no eggs. Also, it means not buying or indulging in anything that is leather, wool, suede, down, or any other fabric produced from animals. The organic part means that whatever food I do eat, which would be delicious vegetables and fruits, have to be ORGANIC. For January, I had practiced being an organic eater. It was hard sometimes, especially going out to eat or when my bro Stefan came to visit, but overall I did fairly well! I spent 40-50 dollars a week on groceries, all organic fruits, vegetables, eggs, and soy milk. Not too expensive at all! 

I decided to go Organic Vegan because of several reasons. For one, whenever I eat meat, I get so bloated and gassy. Graphic, I know, and many of you have felt my meaty gassy wrath. I am also suspicious of the meat industry. I am skeptical of their safety regulations and the fact that there are only 4 major meat packers in North America. I don’t like the idea of these animals being packed into a warehouse never seeing the light of day as they are processed like Twinkies. The fact that I don’t know where the meat is coming from or how it is processed is a little unnerving that I think everyone should stop and think twice about. Also, the whole idea of drinking milk is kind of disgusting anyway. I’ve never really enjoyed drinking milk, and have only indulged while eating cereal. No other animal drinks milk after the weaning stage and especially not that of another animal! Plus, just researching all the preservatives and chemicals that are in milk is enough to make me gag! Eggs have always been gross. Period. No matter how many times I try I just don’t get it. Cheese will be a little harder. Brie and Gouda Cheese are my friends; but, when I think of the bigger picture, its a small sacrifice. 

Watch the documentaries, Super Size Me, No Impact Man, and Food, Inc., to gain a better understanding of your impact on the world. Learn about what you eat before you eat it!

Going vegan is not just some hippy mentality for saving the animals. Although the state and treatment of the animals plays a major part, I am vegan because I believe this chose will decrease my impact on the declining nature of our world today. I do not want to revel in ignorance and do nothing. Cheeseburgers used to be my favourite meal! But after learning that my dinner choice can influence the amount of greenhouse gases, the lives of animals, and the production of GMOs and petroleum usage; I decided to be a little bit more responsible about my actions. By choosing to eat healthy organic meals, I can help save the world one bite at a time! My choices influence what the health food stores carry; therefore directly affect what is sold! 

Today, I’ve had amazing meals! This morning I had an organic banana, apple, and peanut butter smoothie. Delicious! Then for lunch, I had a quinoa, yam, beet salad! Here are my recipes!

The smoothie is pretty self explanatory.

Yam and Beat Salad (use all organic ingredients)

• cup of quinoa
• cup of mixed lettuce
• 1 yam
• 2 red beets
• 9 brussel sprouts
• organic olive oil
• organic balsamic vinegar
• organic honey

Boil the quinoa in a small pot. Chop up the yam in a few pieces so that it will cook faster. In a larger pot, boil the yam and brussel sprouts together. Slice all the skin off the beet and chop up into pieces. Put the beets into a large bowl with the salad. When the yams and sprouts are done, cut the skin off the yams and put into bowl. Also, but each sprout into 4 pieces and put in the salad. Drizzle oil, balsamic vinegar onto. Use a spoon to get a hunk of honey and put in salad. It will melt from the heat from the veggies!

Tonight I go to work and will have a greek salad complete with no feta cheese and maybe a whole wheat pita with some yummy hummus! 

I have to admit, I did have some chocolate covered raisins today. HOWEVER, I stopped eating them once I realized that there is milk in the chocolate. Basically, I thought to myself, “Oh crap, these things have MILK IN THEM!” I looked around guiltily, knowing full well no one was watching, and popped three more into my mouth; “Now I’m done!” Haha, I had to admit my first falter from the vegan path! I reluctantly gave them to Doug and he shoveled them into his face, fistful by fistful. Great, thanks. 

Day 13: First Step to a Higher Self is Hairy Armpits.

Day 13:

So I have to admit, I went with my uncle Mark to a hot yoga class today. Not Bikram! Just hot yoga. It was a really beautiful class and very energizing. At no point did I feel overheated and the teacher had a nice, soothing voice. So different from Bikram that I was pleasantly surprised! At one point, she instructed us to use straps, of which I declined. She was surprised and tried to convince me that it will take me further and deepen my stretch. Yet, I was not inclined as I heard Shakti’s voice in my head saying, “Never go further than your body will allow. If your body doesn’t go there naturally, don’t force it!” So I sat happily in Pigeon, looking up to the ceiling, and had a great stretch anyway! I’m really glad I went. Hot Yoga is definitely different than Bikram; a lot more spiritual and smooth. My uncle is a pro too! He’s probably more flexible than I am!  I like to be open to go to hot yoga classes or even Bikram classes so I don’t feel a ‘holier-than-thou’ mind concept going on. That is something I want to avoid completely. I do things that I may be against or participate in things I have banned once in a while, just to reassure myself that I am doing the right thing (in my mind) in banning it or to stretch my mind and maybe change my opinion! Know your enemies better than your friends right? Haha! I love integrating Machiavelli into everyday life.  : { --> thats my mustache man evil face.

Sometimes, I have a problem being obedient to authority figures. I love how Ruth serves Shakti in setting up the computer, getting her water, and I think that’s great! However, I could never see myself doing that for a teacher. For one, I don’t want to be perceived as brown-nosing; which I don’t think Ruth is because she is as genuine as one can get. And for two, I just don’t see myself as being that obedient student who sits at the front of the class and caters to a teacher’s every need. Yet, these reactions are just fears. I fear being perceived as a brown-noser; I fear diminishing myself as I serve the teacher. My ego holds me back from putting myself on a lower pedestal than her. I am afraid of what people would think of me if I became the ‘servant’ the ‘obedient one’. This is also remnant of elementary school and how everyone hated the Teacher’s Pet. It’s cool to be disobedient. It’s cool to have a huge ego. It’s cool to not change! Isn’t that interesting, how from a very age, we are encouraged to be selfish and hate the person who acts different from everyone else? 

Shakti was talking about obedience today in a general sense. She said that from any fear or insecurity stems ego-tistical violence and anger. If you refuse to be obedient it is because of the fear of losing yourself, and that’s a weakness. It’s a weakness because you are being controlled by your ego and it’s fear of being perceived as something less than you are. You are afraid of what other people will think of you. If you want to learn in your own way and stop listening to other people’s direction, it’s a result of you not being able to accept change. You are being controlled by other people and your ego’s need to be seen a certain way. Your ego doesn’t really even care what you are truly, it only cares about how you are SEEN! Depth has no meaning to your ego unless it wants other people to see you as a deep, spiritual thinker. 

The higher self, on the other hand, does not care what other people think. It does not care how it looks to other people. If you quiet your ego, and stop caring about how you are perceived, obedience is beautiful. You obey, you serve because you genuinely want to honour that person. It’s not a way of diminishing yourself, because ‘yourself’ is committed to honouring people and part of being authentic to yourself is serving. If you are powerful, meaning you push away the insecurities of your ego, then you can be authentically obedient. You won’t care what other people think of you; you’ll just think of how you can serve this person wholly. 

As a yoga teacher, this is very important because the teacher needs to put away their ego during the class, and serve the students by teaching them the instructions of the yoga practice. What if a yoga teacher constantly thought, “Oh how do I look? Do they think I’m a flake?” The instructions would suffer because the teacher would be consistently somewhere else, and the students would feel really disconnected because of it. 

So here I go. Quiet my ego. Quiet my mind. I do not care what other people think. 

I’m not shaving at all anymore. Hello, hairy body! 

Take that ego! 

First step to a higher self are hairy armpits. 

DAY 12: stress and yoga don't mix..

Day 12:

Meditation isn’t about going somewhere else or having an out of body experience. It’s not about transporting yourself to another dimension or concentrating on elevating your body above the ground. Meditation requires you to stay in the moment; to be aware of your surroundings and stay conscious in the living world around you. It’s imperative to stay in the moment; there is no past or future. When meditating, watch your thoughts pass through your mind. Don’t ignore your thoughts or push them away; which is what I usually do. Instead, just become the observer of your thoughts, don’t give them any extra energy and then watch them float away. Observe your actions and thoughts in your mind in order to see life through your own eyes and not through the ones you have been programmed to see through cultural conditioning. You can either sit and observe then dismiss all thoughts or you can reflect on one issue in your life that is troubling or significant. When concentrating on this thought, bring the issue into your hand (mentally) to make it smaller than you think it is and take responsibility for the issue. The effects of meditation can create a calmer, clearer mind, more compassion for other people’s actions, and a decreased sense of self-absorption. In meditation, the ego is quieted because of the act of observation; increasing one’s ability to separate the self from the body and gain a recognition of other people’s lives will continue without you. 

OKAY,

LETS 

TALK

ABOUT 

STRESS.... 

ah jeez.. i’m already getting stressed out...

In modern day society, specifically in developed countries, people can’t seem to find an off-switch for their stress responses; it goes NON-STOP! Some stress can be healthy; a moderate amount of stress that is temporary helps keep the body’s ‘fight or flight’ reaction sharpened. However, when there is too much stress in someone’s life, the body begins shutting down the immune system (one of the many), making you more prone to diseases. It can affect your digestive systems, causing constipation or your endocrine system, causing an irregular release of hormones. Too much stress can also affect your sex life and your sexual drive. It can also give you a pounding heart, an irregular beat, and high blood pressure. If you are in a lower social rank than you are also more prone to higher stress levels and disease. A study done revealed that stressed rats’ brain cells were extremely smaller than the normal rats. The stress shrunk the memory part of the brain, indicating that stress can cause difficulty in remembering the simplest things. Did you ever stay up really late to study for an exam the next day? Remember feeling stressed because it was one of the only times you’ve studied for this hard exam? The next day, you go to write the exam, then all of a sudden you draw a blank. You studied for 8 hours last night! How could you not remember? It’s because you were so stressed out that the cells in your brain shrunk causing you to lose your capacity to remember those facts. 

For people in a lower social ranking, the brain doesn’t receive as much dopamine (the pleasure-giving hormone) that people do in middle or upper class. This could be the case in the ghetto, where things are often half-heartedly done, because the doers don’t receive as much satisfaction in cleaning up their yards. It doesn’t matter to them because they have other stressors that cause them to overlook the simpler things. In contrast, the richer neighbourhoods are often dotted with nicer, clean yards because people gain pleasure from them. Weight gain is also related with stress and people’s  status in rank. A person in a lower rank is more apt to gain weight distributed around their middle due to stressors and lifestyles. This is also due to the fact that people in a lower class find more pleasure in eating lots of food than in their everyday lives. Eating is then the most satisfying activity that they could do and so they get fat! 

Scientifically speaking, long-term stress can shorten your telomeres, the caps on the end of your DNA strands. This can cause serious aging even when you are young. 

An absence of long-term or elevated stress levels is so beneficial to your everyday lifestyle. A low amount of stress helps lower blood pressure, help weight loss, encourage career and social growth, strengthen family relationships, as well as creating a harmonious environment where your body’s systems (immune, reproductive, digestive, endocrine) can function without being inhibited by stressors. 

Day 11: Chakras and Healing

Day 11:

CHAKRAS

There are 7 main chakras, or energetic wheels, which are located along the spine. A chakra is a cone-shaped wheel within the body, stemming from the spine and extending through the body to the front. They express energy throughout the body with their energetic spinning motion. Our body’s state can change the spin of the chakra in direction or how fast it goes. The level of energy that you have determines your health of your chakras and how much healing power you have within yourself. 

The Main 7 Chakras in Your Body: 

http://mantraaonline.com/chakra-healing/

The theory of chakras in the body revolves around two major bodily systems: the central  nervous system (spinal cord and brain) and the endocrine system (the glands which are located down the centre of your body). I won't go into explaining each chakra. You should research them on your own, if you are interested, on the web. 

Stagnant energy, or a slow-spinning/blocked chakra, creates bad conditions in your body. Blockages can create diseases, ailments, and illnesses. For example, constipation is a result of stagnant energy in the Svadhisthana Chakra, the chakra located just below your navel and responsible for passions, bowel movements, and your sexual organs. A blockage in this chakra could be from withholding on pursuing passions, sexual needs or lackthereof, or not attaining the goal/desire you set out to do. 

Stress, aging, and pollution can all disturb your energy as most of these things distract you from enlightening your energetic self. 

Everything we do for our physical bodies affects the prana (energy) and chakras in the body. If you have communication problems, such as placing your hand in front of your mouth when speaking or talking very LOUD or softly, you probably have a blockage in your throat chakra, Vishuddha. If you have lung problems, such as asthma, lots of mucus in the lungs, or wheezing, you probably have a blocked heart chakra, Anahata. You see how different blockages in your chakras cause physical ailments? 

How do we relieve these problems? The objective is to realize that these problems come from the blockages in your chakras. Once you realize where its coming from, then you have to work on changing the energy flow through positive thinking, recognizing bad habits, and engaging holistic techniques to alleviate your physical and energetic self. I know its easy for me to say that now in a few sentences when people are suffering everyday. I don’t know anything, I’m just offering an alternative technique to prescription pills, surgeries, and weeks in a hospital bed. 

The goal in realizing all your chakras is to balance them in harmony! 

Our species is suffering from energy stagnations in the body. There is trouble procreating in modern countries which indicates that there must be something wrong with the ‘advancement’ of our era. There are also many toxins in the Western world which creates many diseases later on in life. Built up deposits of toxins create (among others) inflexibility, bone degeneration, diabetes, dementia, and Parkinson’s disease. In North America, people expect diseases and the ailments of old age to come to them, and so it does! In effect, we try to overpower nature’s will and prescribe pills, supplements, and chemicals to relieve the suffering. However, there is no understanding o the energetic cause; our society is solely obsessed with the physical cause. I am not educated on the energetic causes of those listed above; but if you have an ailment or physical disease, check out what the energetic cause may be ONLINE! Be a researcher and find out for yourself. A few minutes on the web could find you your own cure for the disease. 

--*--Follow Your Own Bliss--*--

be you own happiness

do what YOU want to do -- not what a doctor says you should do....

--*-- Be Responsible for YOUR own Decisions --*--  

Confused about Chakras? Or don’t know which Chakras are blocked? Why not take a fun Chakra Test!!

http://www.eclecticenergies.com/chakras/chakratest.php

Day 10: There is NO teapot.

Day 10: 

The philosophy of yoga encourages an awareness of the fact that the physical body is not what we are in reality. It fortifies that the physical body is just a mere instrument to carry the essence of the higher self. Emotions, intellect, movement, and feelings in the mind are like the storefront of a huge criminal organization; just a mask that veils the expression of the higher self. 

Jnana Yoga is a form of yoga that contemplates an intellectual process of the question “what is my true self?”. In class, Shakti asked us to show her the teapot as she placed it on the table in front of her. We all looked around at each other, curiously exchanging glances; “The teapot is right in front of you”. 

“What is this?” She said as she pointed to the pot.

“That’s the spout of the teapot” We replied.

“Ah, so it’s not THE teapot, it’s the spout OF the teapot. It’s something complete on its on then? What about this?

Again, we replied, “That’s the handle of the teapot.”

“So this isn’t THE teapot, it’s the handle OF the teapot. Where is the teapot?” She asked, “What is this?”

“That’s the belly of the teapot which holds the tea!” We wanted to sound smart so we added its usage. 

“Where is the teapot though? I want to know what a teapot is!” Shakti was started to sound exasperated. 

A chorus arose, “It’s right there! That whole thing; all of those parts make up one teapot.”

Shakti questioned us, “Well, what if I took away the lid? Or the handle? Then what would it be?”

“Well if it held tea, it would still be considered a teapot. Even if it was a bucket that held tea, we would still refer to it a a teapot."


"Which one of you will stand up and say there is no teapot!?” Shakti rose her voice as her eyebrows ascended on her forehead, “Where is the teapot!!??” 

Being myself and wanting challenge every authoritative figure in my life, I stood up and shouted, “THERE IS NO TEAPOT! It is just a collection of ideas. The name means nothing!”

What we know of the teapot can only be related to our experiences with such teapots. If we were from some third world country and have never seen a teapot, we might think it could be some ceremonial pooping bowl! Hows that for a morning wake-up?

Shakti smiled, “There is no teapot, there is no Jane, no Patti, no Shakti; just our experiences which are related to those objects. Everything we know is not absolute and everything we know lies in our own perceptions. 

So here I am perceiving my computer, my words, my thoughts. The cool draft, cool air of the draft/draft of the air, coming through the glass of the window/crack of the window/hardware of the window, that settles chillingly on my toes/the toes of my body/the toes of my foot/the fingernails of my toes/the skin of my feet. What is this computer? I call it a computer in itself, but really it is made of thousands of little pieces that aren’t computers in themselves. As a whole, its called a computer. As a whole, I am called a woman; as a whole I call myself, me; but who am I when I take away all my perceptions? Who am I when I can’t identify myself with my experiences? What happens when I realize that everything I experience is built by my own conceptions, expectations, desires, and, as the dictionary says, practical contacts with and observations of ‘facts’ and ‘events’? I am a body, am I a body? Or is the body of me? Or am I of this body? What is ‘I’?

WHO AM I? WHAT AM I? WHERE AM I?

Are those questions even relevant when they are all construed from my past and present experiences? 

I feel like I am asking all the wrong questions.. 

How will I know since everything I know is perceived? 

Day 9: I'm working on it..

Day 9:

Why do I feel like a failure when I’m not the best in class? 

This is my issue; has been my issue for my whole life. I can’t be second best, I can’t be in the top ten; I have to be number one. I always feel like a failure if I don’t -- which is usually the case because I always feel that people do better than myself. 

I taught yoga in class today. I thought I did okay, but Shakti kept interrupting me while I was teaching, making small tiny adjustments that didn’t really matter at all. I just felt like I sucked. It really threw off my flow today and I felt like a failure all day.

This kind of relates to my life as well. This semester I’ve felt kind of depressed because I haven’t been in school. I haven’t had that acknowledgement that I get in the classrooms from papers, tests, or discussions. I usually get positive recognition and when I get anything but, the world is over. Living without that recognition has been surprisingly hard. I’ve had to really look inside myself and try to offer my own appreciation for myself. 

But why? Why do I feel like a failure? Why does anyone feel like a failure? 

I feel like it has something to do with an inner insecurity in my own self. I need that recognition from people to feel good about myself because I’m not strong enough to encourage myself on my own. I am my own worst enemy and I’ve been saying this for years. But, I am recognizing this now. I recognize my behaviours, I want to change them; isn’t this the first step? 

I’m not perfect; I’m not a perfect yoga teacher, a perfect student, a perfect daughter, girlfriend, friend, or person. Is that okay? Can’t I just be me and be happy with it? 

I am learning to be authentic in myself; to show compassion and patience with myself. This is my issue.. I’m working on it. 

DAY 8: EAT ORGANIC and I peed on my socks...

DAY 8:

One of the best days that changed my life.. 

The whole idea of yoga (key words a prof says that makes me madly type, underline, and draw insane arrows) is to actively balance both sides of the brain in the different postures through breath. Balance is the key to teaching yoga; every posture has to utilize the different sides of the body in the same way so that the difference between the right and left sides of the body decreases over time. For me, my left side of my body is a lot more balanced and strong. Whenever I do asanas on my left side, I can always hold it for longer than on my right side. Also, when I lay my finger horizontally under my nose,   I almost always breathe solely from my left nostril. If you didn’t know this already, we only breathe from one nostril at a time -- usually switching nostrils every hour and 50 minutes. Now, let me tell you the SIGNIFICANCE of breathing out of the LEFT nostril. The left nostril connects us with our parasympathetic side of our central nervous system; the relaxed state of the body. It also is connected with femininity, the night, the moon, the mind, and being passive and relaxed. The RIGHT nostril is connected to the sympathetic system: rapid heart beat and breathing -- fight or flight. Breathing out of your RIGHT nostril means that you have are more inclined towards the sun, the heat, masculinity, the day, and energy/activeness. If you primarily use your left nostril to breathe, like I’ve discovered over several days and lots of nose exploration, then you are controlled by the RIGHT hemisphere of the brain (the R and L sides of the brain control the opposite sides of the body -- like that makes sense). Now, the RIGHT hemisphere of the brain is the creative side, while the LEFT side is the logistical side. I thought it was really interesting how these things were all connected and that it totally made sense within my body. I’ve always been more creative than logical (hence this past summer) and I’ve always been stronger on my left side. However, I guess the point of this exercise was to find out which side is weaker and work on developing the balance between the sides so that you are both logical and creative equally. 

LIFESTYLE OF THE LEAN AND LIMBRE

Shat Karma: ‘shat’ - six, ‘karma’ - action --  the 6 steps to cleaning the body

In our society, being fit entails being nice and beautiful on the outside. Nice legs, perfect tits, no mistakes. 

In yoga, it is all about the inside condition of the body; what do your internal organs look like? Shat Karma is a series of actions that some yogis do to cleanse the physical and energetic body. The purpose is to cleanse the internal space so that energy can flow through easily.

Right now, your body produces three forms of UNNATURAL WASTE (poo being natural -- pee isn’t a waste). 

1. Gas --> bloating
2. Fat --> no one can tell you how much you need to weigh, but are you comfortable with your body or not? 
3. Mucus --> ALLERGIES

Allergies are a result of toxins in the body from your lifestyle (what you eat, how much you exercise, whether or not you take the time to relax). To have an allergy means that your body is out of balance. Allergies are not natural. Let me repeat this: DON’T GET USED TO HAVING AN ALLERGY-- ALLERGIES ARE NOT NATURAL. We have become allergic to nature (weeds, grass, flowers, dust, animals). What does it mean when we’ve come from nature, and now we’re allergic to it? What is next, oxygen? water? Allergies give an indication that your body is overreacting to a specific substance. You shouldn’t have to live with allergies; chronic pain in life isn’t something that we should have to get used to. Allergies usually come from medications and over-consuming dairy products. If you think about, thousands of years ago, humans did not keep consuming dairy after childhood, after breastfeeding. This is because our bodies are not designed to keep consuming dairy products and so the body reacts with allergic conditions. Also, dairy products have tons of hormones and antibiotics that 

To alleviate allergies, reduce toxins in the body, and start living a healthy lifestyle, try to eat all organic foods. There are so many chemicals in the food we eat from the grocery stores that are killing us. 

• If you eat dairy, eat goat dairy products. 
• ORGANIC FRUITS ARE ESSENTIAL
• vitamins are often too hard on the kidneys: consume oils! 

Vitamins in nature never came in a purple pill form. Take things that look similar to their natural state. When we cleanse the body internally, the excesses of these three wastes are removed and perfect health can be maintained. 

TOILETS ARE BAD

Starting in 1775, the development of the modern toilet began. Shakti said that we should go back to squatting on the toilet when we poo and pee. The natural way is to squat when you go to the bathroom. When you sit on the toilet, your bum is closed and there is no massage of the intestines. When you squat on the toilet, ie feet on the seat and squatting over the hole, your knees are up, massaging the intestines, and your anus is pointing directly towards the toilet. When you sit, your anus goes in an arch so you have to push harder to get the poo out of your ass. This is great! I love talking about poos and bums. Let’s travel to India, or better yet, to a place I’ve actually been, Morocco. In rural Morocco, about 4 hours outside of the Saharan Desert, we stopped at a restaurant to eat lunch. During our meal, I went to use the ladies room, and there was no toilet just a hole in the ground! Of course, I was flabbergasted and annoyed at the fact that I had to squat over this dirty hole. But, if you think about it, squatting requires the use of basically all your leg muscles. If you squatted (squatted, if its a word) everyday, 5 times a day, imagine how balanced and strong your leg muscles would be! There would be no need for wheelchairs or walkers. In fact, I never saw someone in a wheelchair when we were in that country, or any third-world country that I’ve been too. Squatting everyday would be so healthy for your digestive system! So anyway, after today, I really want to try and squat most of the time when I use the bathroom. Why not? What have I got to lose? I may break a few toilets but I’ll never need to use a walker when I’m older. I may pee on a few pairs of socks (I don’t say things that haven’t happened -- thanks for the line roomie!) but who says sitting on the toilet ever did anybody any good?

DAY 7: A HOLOGRAPHIC EXPERIENCE

Day  7: The Holographic Experience

DO COBRA 5 TIMES A WEEK

• flexible spine
• strong back muscles 
• opens your heart and throat chakras -- stimulating communication and energy
• keeps you young FOREVVEERRRR

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Phew, so glad to be back in class. Never want to miss another day. 

Today we talked about miracles. The miracle of walking. The miracle of drinking. The miracle of sitting.

THE MIRACLE OF THE BODY, OF OURSELVES.

Everyday, I take for granted everything I do; from being able to roll out of bed in the morning, to sitting (or squatting) on the crapper, and taking my shoes off at the end of the day. These actions require a complex sequence of events to occur within our body’s nervous system. Every movement requires a calculation of weight, distance, and location and then the act of actually carrying out this calculation. Typing on this computer keyboard is an insanely complex process. First of all, I type at 70 - 80 wpm, pretty freaking fast, but that’s not the point! My brain knows exactly where each little key is located on the board, it also knows exactly the order in which these letters go to make a word, and then it also uses all ten fingers to control this process and create a legible sentence. So with each millisecond, my nervous system and brain are working together to move my fingers, write a learned language, and use a learned technological process to share this knowledge. It’s CRAZY! And yet, here I sit almost everyday, using these processes without thinking twice about them. It’s incredible how much we can do with our bodies, with our minds, that we don’t even notice! Coordination is one of the greatest miracles ever.

THENERVOUSSYSTEM

We have two different types of nervous systems: central (brain and spinal cord) and peripheral (the rest of the body). The cells in our nervous systems are called neurons which send signals to one another through a synapse: the space between two neurons where they relay messages to each other. In typing on this keyboard, my neurons must be sending thousands of messages to each other and my brain thinks of words to say (relaying of messages) to typing them on this board (relaying of messages). I’m confused already. All I know is that I better get my neurons a big present for Christmas because I owe it to them for all the work they do for me! Hmm maybe lots of wine after I finish this yoga class!!! Alcohol does slow the synapse time for the neurons.. maybe they’d appreciate a break?!

The central nervous system is divided into two categories: sympathetic and parasympathetic. The parasympathetic system is engaged when the body is relaxed, the heart beat is slow, pupils are small, and the blood flow is focused in the centre of the body for digestion. The sympathetic system is engaged when we are in flight or fight mode -- STRESS. The heart beat is fast, blood flows into all extremities, pupil’s are wide, and there is lots of sweating involved. The one problem with the sympathetic system is that it is very intense; it gives us a lot of power and shoots extreme amounts of energy into the system. While this is healthy when confronted with dangerous situations, the sympathetic system cannot stay engaged in the body for a long time or else the body becomes completely depleted of energy! Stress, one of the main components of the sympathetic system, is overabundant in urban life. The busyness of everyday leads people’s whole bodies into constant states of intensity. If people have no way to expel energy, they turn into an exploding bomb and can fry all their internal systems. This is why some people, who look very healthy and good-looking when their 50, suddenly die of a heart attack. They were probably so stressed at work, and had no way to switch to their parasympathetic mode, that their internal organs just gave up. A constant sympathetic system also gives rise to depression and a feeling of hopelessness. If there is no time for relaxation, the body has no way to expel the extra pent up energy and the internal organs have a hard time dealing with all of it. 

In yoga, the last asana, suvasana or relaxation, is the most important part of the practice. All you have to do in suvasana is lie down on the floor, close your eyes, and NOT FALL ASLEEP! Most people find it annoying and hate the fact that they can never relax, or that they pass out right away, However, it is the main asana that totally relaxes the nervous system. The fact that they cannot relax in the asana only proves that they are so deep in their sympathetic system that they cannot shift to their parasympathetic system anymore. 

Try to lie down in a darkened room, place a blanket on top of you, close your eyes... can you relax without falling asleep? The whole point of relaxation is to be alert, end mindless thoughts, and not move for the entire time. I bet you 5 bucks you can’t do it for 15 minutes. Don’t move a muscle! And don’t think about what to make for dinner. Quiet your mind, quiet your body, stay conscious, and relaaaaxxxx. 

TAKE A CHILL PILL .. DUDE!